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I am struck, as I converse with my friends, my clients, or chance met strangers, by the amazing creativity of conversation. In the back and forth between two people; the intimacy and dance, the inquiry and holding of space that forms relationship, I find that creativity is the true aspect of conversation at its best. Conversation is an act of mutual creativity-an improvisation between two souls. Maybe this isn’t true of every conversation, but it is always true of the brave ones. It is true when you venture with one another to realms unknown. You take risks, you dare to look inward and reveal your discoveries to one another without cloaking those discoveries in personas.
It was Carl Jung who introduced the notion of persona. This is the face you show to the world when you are careful; taking into account the consequences to yourself of what you reveal and what you do not reveal. Sometimes it is the face you put on in the mirror. Not make-up, if you use that, but the expression you don to face the world and disguise your vulnerabilities, true thoughts, and thoughts that are less than courteous. It is the privilege of the therapy, wherein I spend much of my best energy, to occasion these dialogues. Here we venture, here we unfold, guilelessly when we dare, both myself and the person with whom I speak-as it is only when we are both equally brave that the richest discoveries are made.
I’ve always eschewed the language of patient in psychotherapy. Patient suggests that one of us is patient, and the other is knowing. Patient is a misinterpretation of what really happens in the therapeutic dialogue, when it is done with the best spirit. If you are a patient, you are not active, but passive. We are both venturers. We are equal inquirers into the domain of human trials. You can only really understand what a person says to you when you can go there, too.
There are a multitude of tiny braveries that I witness daily in my work. The willingness to admit fathomless desire, hungers to be known, the pettinesses of the little emotions-jealousy, bitterness, shame-and the daily sacrifices; the yielding of self-importance to share love, and to forgive.
I remember one time, many years ago already, when a woman, a former drug addict, described her journey from the west coast by bus. She was traveling for a new job as a paralegal. Seated a few rows in front of her was a handsome guy with tattoos and a guitar. He turned and winked at her. In that a split second she knew that if she smiled back, she would date him, and that if she dated him she would use drugs again and her chance, slim as it was, would be gone. So she chose to turn her head toward the window instead. This little second, the briefest of events, was her courage. As she described her experience to me, we articulated its meaning, and that articulation helped form the foundation of her new life. The creativity of the conversation that we shared revealed my client’s journey through its honesty.
Creativity, in the broadest sense of the word, is openness. I don’t think that we can determine what comes to us any more than we can determine the natural color of our hair or skin. What we can do, is step out of the way so that it comes.
What is stepping out of the way?
I think a big part of it is identifying the untrue and casting it aside. The metaphor of peeling an onion comes to mind. Have you ever noticed, as you speak, having offered a description, a second thought that goes something like this, oh no, that is not quite it, rather it is this. As you proceed, editing as you go, you might find your second description inadequate as well. You remove another layer. This is what it is to peel the onion. Remove the untruth and let the true be revealed.
This process so parallels the artist’s efforts. Likewise, in art, we attempt to remove the untrue. The writer seeks her most authentic voice, the painter tries to bring forth the image that is knocking at the door of his soul. Always, always the work is to seek clarity.
I suppose the experience of creativity differs with each sensibility. But what seems to be common, when you dive deeply enough, is the recognition that you are not the author. You, the artist, are the vehicle. This is an almost universal assessment among true creatives, and perhaps the aspect of creativity that is most fulfilling.
In certain special situations, conversation can be the occasion of this order of discovery. But to experience conversation in this way you have to release your self-importance and insistences. In fact you almost have to remove your personal responses so that you can access the larger truths. Like allowing yourself to float, you have to have faith that the discoveries you will make are bigger than yourself, and will hold you up. It can be like feeling the wind pass through you starting at your back. Or maybe it is what surfers feel when they yield to the wave that carries them. The best treasures are only available to the one who can let go of every energy other than trust and balance.
When I say you have to let go of the personal, I don’t mean that you let go of being existentially related to your efforts. It is somewhat paradoxical- you set yourself aside, but not quite all the way, in order to let the big waves sweep you up. I liken it to holding a little bird in your hand. You are that bird, as the personal vantage point, and must be held gently, lightly, so as to not to be crushed, while you, the transpersonal one, venture beyond. The personal is the way we experience life, and of course it matters, but it is not pre-eminent. Be open to the mysteries that are greater than yourself so that you can find the Self you really are.
Namaste